Aside

The 2013 Grammys – BEST and WORST

Ain’t NOBODY got time to watch the bloated Grammys, thankfully I am here to tell you what’s up, and what is definitely not up. For a full list of winners, go here, and then raise a glass of your prefered drink to Mumford & Sons for taking home the top prize this year, those adorable power strumming musical wunderboys.

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One of us is shagging Carey Mulligan.

BEST – LL COOL J IS BACK! AND KEEPING IT REAL!

Last year I sang LL’s praises for doing a wonderful job hosting, and CLEARLY the Grammys read my blog and were like, yeah lets just make him host every year. Once again LL had a great flow, delivered some genuine words about the music community, and praised every artist present accordingly. This year they even remembered that he was a legendary rapper and let him close the show, where he invited Chuck D, Travis Barker and Tom Morello to rock out with him. He also made my heart explode with gratitude when he took the time in his performance to pay tribute to MCA, aka Adam Yauch, who lost his battle with cancer last year. I actually teared up.

*side note: Adam’s death was the first time I was completely wrecked by a celebrity death, I couldn’t even find the words to blog about it, or how to pay him tribute. Losing him was like losing a Beatle for me. The Beastie Boys played a huge part in my musical upbringing/education, and I think what they did for music was so important. Adam was their anchor, and my personal favourite. RIP MCA.

WORST – TAYLOR SWIFT NEEDS TO STOP

I’m not saying she needs to stop her career, but she needs to stop the childish antics. It ain’t cute and always comes off petty. Her latest? Mimicking an English accent when delivering the mid-song monologue of so he calls me up and he’s like ‘I still love you’, implying she’s talking about her latest ex, british dude Harry Styles from One Direction. Can you ever just leave the personal attacks out of it Taylor? LAWD. But props to her guitarist for desperately trying to keep that 2003 emo hair style trendy.

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BEST – JT IS BRINGING THE SEXY ONCE AGAIN

After what seems like a billion years, Justin Timberlake decided to take a break from making his acting career happen, and went back to what he truly does best – looking fly as fuck and sitting on his throne amongst music royalty. His performance was more suave than anything I’ve seen in a while, and his signature falsetto was on point. Topped with the effortless dance moves, calling Jay-Z up to rap, and rocking a cute new haircut, we welcomed Justin back with open arms. He is much needed on the music scene. I’m already counting down the days till the new album blesses us mortals.

We're glad you're back too Justin.

We’re glad you’re back too Justin.

Doing his thang.

Doing his thang.

 

WORST – WHY IS IT RAINING ON FUN?

Fun exploded on the scene last year and ruled the radio airways, so it was not surprising when they won Song of The Year, and Best New Artist. What was surprising is the random rain that was dropped on them in the last minute of their performance. Which Art Director was high as fuck when this decision was made? It looked rather silly and made the band seem like some weird NYU art display experiment. What was cute – Lena Dunham freaking out anytime they won anything since she’s banging the guitarist.

BEST – A NIFTY LITTLE DUET

The Grammys always try to keep it real by pairing up artists who would regularly not perform together. Usually this fails, but for once they got it surprisingly right by pairing cutie pie Ed Sheeran (dude who sings that song A-Team that was this year’s “Hey There Delilah”) with none other than Sir Elton John. Elton kept his voice restrained as he sang along with the shy newcomer, and the result was quite pretty and breathed some new life into a song that we are all tired of hearing, lets be real.

WORST – WTF IS ADELE WEARING

Oh Adele, I usually love your style, but you win the WTF award this year for wearing something that resembles both drapes AND a tablecloth from 1978. Meanwhile JLo is taking a note from Angelina Jolie from last year’s Academy Awards. Damn gurl.

Adele2

 

 

BEST – THE ROCK N ROLL BOYS ARE MAKING PANTIES DROP

Jack White and Dan Auerbach reminded us that no matter how you look, if you know what to do with your guitar, hormones will rage. Jack White is never my cup of tea in the appearance department, but when he’s breathing into the mic surrounded by weird hot chicks and then proceeds to rock the fuck out by himself, y’all know I would hit that. Meanwhile Dan Auerbach of the Black Keys swaggered around on stage and sang in his perfect sexy blues voice fondling his guitar in a way where you wish it was your own body, wink, wink. Offstage – who cares. Onstage – ROCK SEX GODS. Oh shit, I just found out Dan and his wife split. CALL MY MAYBE.

WORST – WHY DO I LIKE PITBULL?

Besides being able to recognize his weird latin rap drawl instantly, I don’t really know much about Pitbull or his music, but his presence amuses me. I enjoy his never ending selection of suave suits and awkward flirting with whoever he is being interviewed by/presenting with at award shows. Drake shares my conflict/confusion – he basically reacted the same way when Pitbull took the stage.

kindred spirits

kindred spirits

 

BEST – UNDERRATED PERFORMANCE OF THE EVENING

Rapper Whiz Khalifa and crooner Miguel took the stage alone, their only accessories being their snazzy suits, and brought the house down with one of those memorable performances because no was expecting anything from them. Half of the audience didn’t know who they were, and they took advantage of it. When there are no expectations, artists of course tend to be more comfortable. Whiz and Miguel had all the swagger and confidence they needed, and performed an awesome song which felt like a throwback to smooth 90’s R&B with Miguel giving it 200% in the vocal department. Half way through you could tell they were having that surreal moment when they realize they are performing at the FUCKING GRAMMYS, and just gave everything. Always great when you see someone’s dream happening on stage, and they are relishing in every second of it. By the end everyone was grooving – except for Sting. Sting grooves for no one.

I can't have tantric sex to this.

I can’t have tantric sex to this.

 

WORST – NCIS CHICK IS BACK

Last year they let this random hot mess TV actress present, and they let her back on stage again. WHY? WHO IS SHE BANGING? Dave Grohl was having none of his presenting partner. Seriously, is this chick dating a musician I’m not aware of? Side note – the random TV actors who present are always awkward as fuck at the Grammys. It’s like they got invited by the cool kids to an exclusive party and have no idea what to wear or say.

BEST – KELLY CLARKSON IS ADORABLE

Was so happy for Kelly’s win! She is such a down to earth artist, and her voice is incredible. Her acceptance speech was precious, and she rightfully called out Miguel’s great performance by calling it “the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen!”. Also I’m not sure what she said to Katy Perry and her new bad boy boyfriend John Mayer, but I’m thinking it’s something along the lines of “Your girlfriend is super hot and her tits look amazing tonight.” and John’s all “DON’T I KNOW IT.”

KellyJohn

 

 

WORST – RIHANNA AND CHRIS BROWN ARE CRAZY

I honestly think Rihanna and Chris Brown have dived into some crazy ass world where only they exist. It was chilling to see them sit side by side, PDA in full effect, when only a few years ago Chris Brown beat the shit out of her after the 2009 Grammy Awards. I touched on this subject before in last year’s Grammys post, but to see Rihanna back with him, and later singing a song that was BLATANTLY about their relationship, was just extremely uncomfortable. I felt tense anytime the camera panned to them. Also once again Chris Brown was acting like a douche. He was still sitting there with a sense of entitlement that makes me want to vomit.

BEST – FLAWLESS ARTISTS SINGING TOGETHER

After the in memoriam montage, a bunch of really awesome artists came together to sing “The Weight” by The Band, and it was effortlessly cool. Mumford & Songs, fucking T-BONE BURNETT, Mavis Staples, Sir Elton John, the incredibly talented Brittany Howard from Alabama Shakes, and I think the dude from Zac Brown Band, all banded together perfectly to make us feel the right amount of soul and nostalgia.

WORST – JESUS CHRIST DEPP

Just… lay off the spray tan and get it together, will ya? Also Steven Tyler called, he’s gonna need some of those scarves back.

Johnny

 

 

BEST – BOW TO MUSIC ROYALTY

Beyonce and Jay-Z made a rare award show appearance together, and reminded us why they rule the music biz. They just ooze power, and they fucking know it. Seated with them was Justin Timberlake (obviously) and Beyonce’s sister Solange. When Fun made their acceptance speech, they casually thanked Jay-Z as a joke cause he is legit like the Godfather of music right now, and the camera HILARIOUSLY cut to Jay-Z who was fucking sipping from a glass of cognac or some shit, while Jessica Biel (I keep forgetting she’s married to JT) and Solange sipped champagne, and mouthed “you’re welcome”. BOOM. JAY-Z UP IN DA GRAMMY’S, ALLOWED TO DRINK ALCOHOL IN HIS SEAT. NOT GIVING A FUCK ABOUT ANYTHING. BOW. Best moment of the whole broadcast.

JayZ

 

 

OBLIGATORY NICOLE KIDMAN HAVING A GREAT FUCKING TIME AT THE GRAMMYS THANKS YOU FOR YOUR TIME.

Nicole